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Sunday, September 24, 2023

Happiest American is Blind, Deaf

BOISE - "I've always seen it as a blessing in disguise, now more than ever," said Everett Bingham, who was recently found to be the only US citizen in a good mood. "Beethoven composed his greatest works after he went deaf and Milton was blind and broke when he wrote his masterpiece," added Bingham. "If that's the way it works, I should probably try to cure cancer or something. But the best part is all the stupid crap I don't even notice. Like this Trump guy. I just can't see why people get uptight about him. Well, I *can't* see but I don't see either." 

When asked about the secret of his joy, Everett said "I guess it all comes down to where you focus your attention. Me? I look forward to morning walks so I can feel the breeze and the sunshine. My friend and I walk to his house where we eat bacon and eggs, drink coffee, and do the crossword puzzle together. I don't have to do those things, but I do them because it makes me feel good. Other people seems like they do the opposite. They read, watch, and listen to things that make them angry, lo and behold, they get angry. That's like sticking a dog turd up your nose and complaining about the stink. As for me, I'd rather smell fresh baked bread, and I often do." 

Bingham fills his time with many projects, including weightlifting, origami, and training seeing eye dogs. "I feel sorry for all the people out of work right now. I'm no economist but seems to me that it's probably not a good idea to shut the country indefinitely just because some so-called experts said so. When I was a kid, plenty of experts said I'd basically be a person-shaped vegetable. Who's the dummy now, you blockheads? I've probably read more with my fingers than most college grads these days have with their eyes. Long story short, ignorance is not always bliss, but you can't be bothered by what you don't know."  


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