illustrated Nietzsche quotes

My favorite Tim Kreider cartoon

He was kind enough to write back with fun sketches when I sent him a fan letter from Africa. It's sad that he seems to have sunk into obscurity. His website has been a ghost town for a while.

The Pain – When Will It End? - Wikipedia

a musical tribute to my readers in Brazil

The parody:

sample lyrics 

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Who is Alaska?

What is Brazil?

Isn't a volcano just an angry hill?

How did God even think up dirt?

Erasable pens make my head hurt!

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Outrageous Clown Squad (Kickspit Dirt Festival) - Saturday Night Live

the original

Insane Clown Posse - Miracles

sample lyrics

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Water, fire, air, and dirt

Fucking MAGNET'S, how do they work?

And I don't wanna talk to a scientist

Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

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It's the yin-yang of parody and bathos. That's the real magic here. 

Is it racist?

 Matt Walsh's "Am I Racist?" THE GAME! (Uncut Edition)

I remember once being chastised over a joke. My defense was it was true. Their response was "just because it's true doesn't mean it's not racist".

How to report the news

Charlie Brooker's How to Report the News - Newswipe - BBC

more random jokes

Never tell an anorexic to lighten up. 

Captain Hook went to a secondhand store. He didn't find what he was looking for.

I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how to feel about it.

I saw a documentary about wounded dolphins. They struggled to eke out a living. 

The Wizard of Oz is just the story of three women fighting over a pair of shoes.

Black Physicists Discover Smallest Particle of Black Lives Matter

OAKLAND - "We are now one step closer to completing Grand Funk Unified Theory, also known as The Notorious GUT" said project director Dr. Marijuana Pepsi. The particle has been named the garyon in honor of Gary Coleman, the late actor famous for his role on Diff'rent Strokes. "This discovery could also be the key to converting Black Lives Matter into Black Lives Energy, but not before we determine the garyon's charge, spin, and pronouns", she added. 

Meanwhile, Dr. Joanna Gambolputty has been researching Ultraviolet Privilege, a non-ionizing form of prejudice emitted from golf paraphernalia. "We're not sure whether it flows from the person to the object or vice-versa. It's possible that the mechanism is similar to the way the dipole of a pimp's cane becomes aligned with its owner's field, for a pimp's field is very different from that of a square." 

Elsewhere, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored Particles has hailed the discovery of the garyon and demanded that at least three of the Standard Model's 17 particles be derived from Black Lives Matter. "It's high time we have a conceptual framework of the universe that looks like America" said NAACP spokesman and nudism advocate Oliver Klozoff. "The garyon is funkymental to our understanding of nature. Uhuru!"

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not satire: the real Dr. Marijuana Pepsi

Once Teased For Her Name, Marijuana Pepsi Turns Her Challenges Into A Ph.D. : NPR

Satan Considers Selling His Soul to Trump

HELL - Sources close to the Prince of Darkness report that he has been pondering selling his immortal soul to President Trump, whom the fallen angel considers to be the best chance for obtaining everlasting power over the earth. In a phone interview, the timeless representative of evil incarnate admitted that even he failed to stop Trump from defeating Clinton, who had offered to make the Devil Secretary of Education in exchange for support. Satan admitted that the soul market was heading toward recession. Soul prices have tumbled as more and more people, including most of California's adult population, have sold their souls to the Devil in exchange for preventing Trump s re-election. "So my thinking is", explained the dark lord, "the greatest act of evil I could commit would be to get all these liberal losers to sell their souls to me, then turn them into Trump's eternal property by selling my soul to him. Diabolical, isn't it?"  The beast then tented his fingers and laughed maniacally.

Aliens Invade Earth; Women and Minorities Hardest Hit

LOS ANGELES - "While it appears that this is an extermination campaign, it has largely spared rural America which skews older, whiter, and more Republican," explained associate professor of political science Susan McGee-Maus from the ruins of UCLA. Meanwhile, many experts have blamed Trump for the botched response. "We've known for decades that the universe contains countless planets, so it's just ridiculous for Trump to claim that no one could have predicted this," said Joy Behar, noted astronomer and host of The View. 

Although Trump mentioned reports from Wyoming and West Virginia that concentrated small arms fire can repel and even disable the enemy war machines, this remains unconfirmed. In response, the CDC reiterated that a gun in the home is far more likely to harm an innocent than a hostile extraterrestrial. Elsewhere, a Black Lives Matter protest against the aliens was incinerated by heat rays. "Unfortunately, it appears these murderous intergalactic beasts are immune to accusations of racism, and efforts to shame them on Twitter have had no effect. I call on our nation's finest minds to find another way to guilt trip them," said black leader Jesse Jackson. 

Environmentalists and feminists have also reacted. The Sierra Club has stated that the devastation presents an opportunity to reduce carbon emissions and overpopulation. The National Organization for Women has called for stronger efforts to prevent abduction, unless the aliens turn out to be sexy. "If they're tall and make a decent amount of whatever it is they use for money, I'd be willing to wear a Princess Leia bikini for them," said Gloria Steinem. While Trump has authorized the military to counterattack with whatever means available, mobilization has been hindered as commanders struggle to create a cool name for the operation. Experts say it will likely be a present participle followed by an animal. 

Alien Invasion Epic Battle Scene | Love Death + Robots Season 4 Episode 2 (2025)

Nation's College Deans Move Back With Their Parents

HARVARD - "I never thought it would happen to me" said Joanna Gambolputty, Dean of Gender Studies at Harvard University. "My parents told me it's time to get a real job and I already signed up to train as a diversity advisor. It's not as prestigious, but I need to be practical." Although the dean workforce has taken a hit, administrative staff have largely been spared the pinch. "The enrollment slump has forced our hand financially" said Colin Kantser, Harvard's CFO. "It turns out that deans mainly go to lunch with other deans and wealthy donors. All that's gone up in smoke since social distancing started." 

Meanwhile, Harvard's outreach department has struggled to convince prospective students that it is worth it to spend $200,000 for four years of Zoom classes. "We've offered students the chance to send life-size cardboard cut-outs of themselves to campus instead. The cut-outs have smart phones attached to the face and they are wheeled about by rejected Harvard applicants in exchange for 5 credit hours per semester and a budget meal plan" added Kantser. Elsewhere, Ivy League fraternities have been adjusting to the new normal. "There's no sugar-coating it: our ceremonies are a lot more impressive in person" said a Skull and Bones member who wished to remain anonymous. "I mean, how can we pretend to be a super cool secret society when any moderately clever yahoo from 4chan can Zoom bomb us?" 

The member added that the Skull and Bones has recently added Captcha and two-factor verification to keep out would-be interlopers. In contrast, host of Dirty Jobs Mike Rowe repeated his call to consider skilled trades rather than college. "The average US welder is 50 years old. There is an enormous demand for these and other truly essential workers. There is no modern society without electricians, plumbers, mechanics, carpenters, HVAC, and other tradesmen. Not everyone is cut out to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, and it is a great tragedy for so many young people to waste years and rack up tons of debt for worthless degrees" said Rowe as he used a backhoe to dig up a malfunctioning septic tank. "A wise man once said that opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work. It's true. A lot of the really useful work is boring and dirty, but someone's got to do it." Rowe then inadvertently ripped the septic tank out of the ground and sprayed the camera crew and himself with raw sewage.  

KKK, Antifa Merge to Form Klantifa

PORTLAND - "We've decided to join forces to achieve our common goals", said Imperial Cyclops Leroy Jenkins. "Our message is clear: white men, white women: the swastika and/or the anarchist A is calling you. At long last, you have a movement where your voice will be heard." His Antifa counterpart, Joanna Gambolputty of the Portland Genderqueer Nazi Punchers Collective added "this movement will bridge the divide between frustrated, working-class, busybody whites and frustrated, middle-class, busybody whites. Harmony will reign with the ruthless suppression of all dissent." 

Jenkins elaborated that their shared interests include keeping blacks poor and powerless, a ruling class dominated by white Anglo-Saxon Protestant men, the use of mob violence to help Democrats win, and a relentless propaganda campaign aimed at recruiting the young and alienated. Reactions to the merger were mixed, with the ACLU, the SPLC, and the NAACP both praising and condemning different halves the group.

One of the newest Klantifa members is Oswald Bates, an aspiring painter who works part time as a bartender. "I was rejected by my father and then from art school. So began my struggle. But I feel a great sense of hope for this lost nation; that it will emerge from darkness and free itself from the shackles of international capitalism. Soon, we will march in the streets with our flag held high. Our lost comrades will be with us in spirit. We will have our space to live even if we must spill blood on the ground. Onward to Victory!" When asked if Klantifa would be merging with the Illinois Nazis, Jenkins said "No. We hate those guys. Splitters!"

 

Meanwhile, prominent Democrats voiced both criticism and support for the new movement. "Some of them, I assume are good people, very fine people even", said Joe Biden."But the rest are a bunch of lying, dog-faced pony soldiers! I'd bet a silver dollar against a wooden nickel none of those chumps and clowns could do even a single push-up. Folks, when I was a kid, I remember seeing FDR on the TV, walking tall and telling everybody things would be alright. And you know what? Even though the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, we still beat Ho Chi Minh and his dreaded King Kong 20-0 in that hockey game. I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love. Don't stop believing!"

Army Unveils New 'Peaceful Protester' Attack Helicopter

FORT RUCKER - "This magnificent machine represents a new era in aerial warfare: the marriage of state-of-the-art firepower with the principles of dignity, respect, and social justice", said Major General Joanna Gambolputty during the unveiling. "Let our enemies fear and tremble before the awesome might of our PP: the Peaceful Protester", she added. The helicopter's armament includes eight "Hey-Hey, Ho-Ho" (formerly "Hellfire") anti-tank missiles, 38 "Imagine" (formerly "Hydra") rockets, and 1,200 rounds for its 30 mm "We Shall Overcome" autocannon. Fighter ace Senator Dick Blumnethal was in the pilot seat for its maiden flight. "She's a real humdinger. It takes me back to my days of dodging flak and the Red Baron in the skies of Korea during Vietnam" said Blumenthal. "That was a war, you know. A war with fighting, that I fought in", added Blumenthal as he put a cigarette in his lips and lit the filter tip. 

In the wake of the George Floyd protests for racial justice, the Army has faced increasing pressure to change problematic names. Fort Lee, named after Confederate general Robert E Lee is at the top the list. "Even though there are nine other Army bases named after Confederate generals, the only one most people have heard of is Lee, so now we only need to change one name", said Gambolputty. "The easiest solution would be to simply say it is named in honor of Bruce Lee. Everybody likes kung fu, so that was that. What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Wah-taaaaah! That's my kids' favorite joke", added Gambolputty who was promoted to her current rank as a reward for solving the conundrum. 

Critics have pointed out that the PP's biodegradable ammo is vulnerable to spoiling and that the aircraft lacks a wheelchair access ramp. In lieu of traditional camouflage, the PP will be painted rainbow colors to show LGBT inclusion. The front sides of the chopper will be painted to resemble the face of a snarling unicorn, though test pilots have complained that the horn obstructs visibility. Other Army helicopters named after Native Americans are also up for name changes, including the Blackhawk and the Chinook. "Nothing is set in stone yet, but re-naming the UH-60 Blackhawk as Ma-ka-tai-me-she-kia-kiak is the obvious choice" said Gambolputty, "It just rolls off the tongue." 

Trump on Dead Soldiers: They Probably Vote Democrat Anyway

WASHINGTON DC - At a press conference today, a reporter confronted Trump on his alleged disparaging remarks about fallen US soldiers buried in France. "Mr. President, why did you call fallen US soldiers suckers and losers? Do you hate America or just its military?" Trump responded by saying: "First, let me thank you for that very, very smart question. I can tell you're great reporter for asking such a tremendous question. I never said that, but even if I did, dead soldiers probably vote Democrat anyway, so why should I care?" Trump then shrugged and sipped from a can of Diet Coke. Trump's remarks stand in stark contrast to Democratic military heroes such as distinguished tank commander Michael Dukakis and amphibious warfare pioneer John Kerry.

The press conference room erupted, but Trump angrily shouted over the reporters. "OK, geniuses, it's my turn to talk now", said Trump as he crushed the Diet Coke can on his forehead. "Let's talk Pelosi. I hate the military and she likes it? OK, then she should get her next haircut from the Army then. I hear they do haircuts really quickly and cheaply." Meanwhile, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) introduced her plan to overhaul the military to make it more sensitive and fair. "We must rebuild our military in order to fight against real threats like climate change, sexism, intolerance, and wealth inequality", she said as she read off her neon pink Barbie smartphone. 

Some of the changes to basic training include replacing outdated and notoriously problematic events like rifle marksmanship and obstacle courses. Instead, the soldiers will hold hands, sing Kumbayah, and share poems about their feelings. Ocasio-Cortez even offered a preview of a new recruiting commercial created by her and her staff. In it, young women with multi-colored hair and stylish nose rings order young men to march around in high heels while they berate them for their toxic masculinity. "The 21st century will bring new challenges to America", said defense analyst Joanna Gambolputty. "How will the US dominate battlefields of the future without the unique contributions of gender studies majors or diversity experts? It is vital to make the military more attractive to these quality candidates. My message to Trump is clear: Mr. President, we cannot allow a social justice gap!"

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Below: not satire

Men In Canada's Parliament Don High Heels To Raise Awareness About Violence Against Women

Feminists Slam Jeopardy! For Promoting Unrealistic Intelligence Standards

CLEVELAND – “First off, it’s a GIRL-cott, not a boycott, and the difference is very important”, said Joanna Gambolputty, Associate Professor of Women Studies at Oberlin College. Ms. Gambolputty is also an activist in the ignorance positivity movement, which seeks to break down the stigma associated with the differently-informed. “At a time when more girls than ever are struggling in school, it’s high time we speak out against Jeopardy! for its rampant sexism. Only 40% of the contestants are women and men are 70% of the winners. Seven of the nine writers are male, as are four of the five researchers. These are the sad facts of the Trivia Gap.”

Ms. Gambolputty advocates an aggressive set of changes to the show’s format. “Far too many clues are about dead white males like Shakespeare. It’s insane to expect the average woman to be able to relate to such an obscure writer. Women need topics they can relate too, like shoes, soap operas, and the latest pop songs. This is the sensible way to promote gender equity in trivia games.” Meanwhile, another group of activists called Smart At Any IQ advocates a quota program so that the least intelligent get a guaranteed portion of space in newspapers and scientific journals. Paris Hilton, the unofficial spokeswoman of the group, is leading the way with her article in the Journal of Fluid Mechanics. The paper, entitled “Bedazzling Navier-Stokes” features a bold retake of the classic equations. Written in hot pink with a stylish cursive font, the differentials come to life and seem to dance with the festive glitter lightly sprinkled throughout.

“I’m proud to be a role model for stupid people everywhere,” said Ms. Hilton. “If I can get just one girl interested in makeup and expensive purses, it will all be worth it.”

Bernie Sanders Says There Were “Very Fine People on Both Sides of the Iron Curtain”

MIAMI – Controversy erupted as Democratic presidential hopeful Sanders seemingly praised murderous communist dictatorships. This was an especially inflammatory statement as Florida is home to a large number of Cubans who fled Castro’s communism. Sanders later doubled down on his remarks, saying “certainly it wasn’t perfect, but literacy is a good thing and inequality plummeted under Castro’s leadership”. 

He added “look, the truth is that there were very fine people on both sides of the Iron Curtain. Now I have heard, most likely exaggerated things, by the way, about there being some hunger and even a few executions. Nobody’s perfect and certainly not this country where there are 23 kinds of deodorant and children go hungry.” 

On the topic of a controversial statue of Lenin in Portland, Sanders said “it’s beautiful work of art and a part of history. We can’t just start tearing down statues because a few ignorant people complain about them. People like Lenin and Castro and Ortega fought to help the poor people who were rising up against rather ugly rich people. And besides, what about Trump, a hatemonger who refuses to condemn the KKK? The hysteria about socialism has to stop. Democratic socialism means that in a democratic, civilized society the wealthiest people and the largest corporations must pay their fair share of taxes. And yes, I know went on my honeymoon in the USSR and displayed a Soviet flag in my office in the 1980s, but that was a different time when I was not running for national office.” 

Sanders then posed for a selfie with a man wearing a Che shirt and a hammer and sickle face bandana.

China Denies Weaponizing Virus No One Has Heard Of

BEIJING – A spokesman from the Chinese Ministry of Foreign Affairs condemned rumors that the Chinese military weaponized Mongolian Yak Herpes, a disease unknown to science until this morning. The spokesman elaborated that the virus most certainly was not deliberately created at the Sum Ting Wong Disease Research Center in Wuhan. The spokesman then ran in circles around the podium with the other four spokesmen, sat down, and was replaced by another spokesman. 

In any case, according to the 2nd spokesman, it was all a long time ago and it never happened anyway. Besides, continued the 3rd spokesman, what about the appalling rates of obesity in the US, especially amongst impoverished Negroes residing in so-called food deserts? Such a thing could never happen under the system of Socialism with Chinese Characteristics. The 4th spokesman then ripped up a Tibetan flag and kowtowed to a giant portrait of Xi Jinping. 

In response, the NBA now requires all players to carry a copy of Mao’s Little Red Book at all times, and all future games will begin with a playing of the March of the Volunteers. Some experts have speculated that such a disease could have originated from an incident when Genghis Khan had sex with a herd of yaks to win a bet. This is why the banner of his horde had nine bands of yak hair, one for each yak. Chinese officials have repeatedly stressed that even if someone is infected with Mongolian Yak Herpes, they will be healthy again an hour later.

Hail to the Grand Helmsman Mao and His Glorious Successor Xi!

Wan Sui! Wan Sui! Wan Sui!

And hail to the Great Chinese 5G Cellphone Corporation Huawei!

Huawei! Huawei! Huawei!

Government Over-reacting to Virus, Says Traveler Being Frisked by TSA

CHICAGO – “The government is really being absurd about this pandemic” said Hugh Jass as a TSA agent patted him down for hidden weapons before Jass boarded a flight to Phoenix. “I mean, if you look at the numbers, the risk is really minuscule, and the cost of the precautions is outrageous. And even despite the extreme measures, if anything, the situation has gotten worse” said Jass as he recovered his shoes and belt from the x-ray machine while holding up his pants with one hand.

But according to leading infectious disease expert Dr. Joanna Gambolputty, there could be dire consequences if Americans let their guard down. “If you see something, say something. And pay attention to the color-coded alert system.” Jass remains skeptical, however, adding that “if you look at it on the basis of cost vs benefit, there’s no rational justification for it. It’s just feels over reals. It really seems like there are people profiting off this fear and have every incentive to keep it going as long as possible rather than actually deal with the problem in a sensible way.” Jass then recovered his TSA-approved travel-size liquids stored in a clear baggie.

But according to Dr. Gambolputty “our heroes on the frontlines need our support. If we fight among ourselves, the terrorists, ah I mean the virus, will win.” Elsewhere, The Office President Elect Joe Biden proposed a new Virus Defense Agency to ensure that a similar pandemic never strikes the US again. “This new VDA would also stimulate a flagging economy as the unemployed are hired as Public Health Guardian Angels, who will enforce proper mask wear and social distancing.” Critics warn that a new agency would simply add confusion to the already bloated public health sector. “We spend more on public health than several of the next highest spending countries combined”, continued Jass, ”and as far as I can tell, we aren’t any healthier.”

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s top infectious disease expert addressed the issue from his ultra-secure National Virus Response Command Post located deep the isolated, rugged terrain of Hawaii. “The price of freedom, I mean health, is eternal vigilance” said Fauci as he scanned the horizon through binoculars. “It’s a bit tricky, you know. It turns out the big side faces away from your eyes” said Fauci of the binoculars. “I guess I’m so used to putting my eye on the big side what from all the time I spent using a microscope.” Dr. Fauci, whose new call-sign is Ghost Viper 007, is head of the elite Alpha Strike Force, consisting of the nation’s top men except President Trump. “What a bunch of losers. Sad!” said Trump of the task force in a tweet. Twitter has flagged the tweet as containing misinformation.

Martian Violence Blamed On Indiana Guns

CYDONIA – Gunfire sounds from every direction on this typical evening on the red planet. Experts say the guns are most likely smuggled from Indiana, a mere 43 million miles away. “Indiana needs to step up and ban the sale of exploding radium bullets”, said xenocrimnilogist Joanna Gambolputty. “It’s well known that anyone can travel from Indiana to Mars without having to worry about being pulled over and having their ship inspected for contraband.” Meanwhile, warlord and community organizer Tars Tarkas suggested tackling the root causes. “The red Martians used to give us tribute, which paid for youth after-war programs such as white ape hunting and the construction of giant stone faces. All gone now. So we fight until our eggs begin to hatch. Then fight again. I have spoken.”

But hope is in the thin, barely breathable air with the arrival of John Carter, founder of the Thark Lives Matter movement. “I have lived and fought with this noble race for many years. It is high time for everyone on Barsoom to put down the guns, come together, and fight with swords like true warriors. Unless there are any Apaches here. Trust me, you really don’t want to fight Apaches without a gun. How I hate those damn savage injuns!”

“So-called Thark-on-Thark crime has a long history as a racist dog whistle”, said Gambolputty. “We don’t see Tharks shooting each other in progressive cities with tough gun laws like Minneapolis. No, it is only on red planets run by laissez-faire conservatives like the Kaldanes that we see such things. And you can see the results: dead sea bottoms as far as the eye can see, drought, famine, war, crime and beautiful wildlife such the magnificent Blue Plant Kangaroos being hunted for sport on the shores of the Lost Sea of Korus.”

“What in the Sam Hill are you talking about?” said Indiana governor Eric Holcomb. “I don’t know a darn thing about Barsoom, Tharks, ray guns, Holy Therns or whatever else. And I sure as heck don’t know what any of it has to do with the Hoosier State. And if you want to see scenery from another planet, why not visit our lovely Indiana Dunes National Park? It’s the 14th most popular in the country. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off for a long and well-deserved vacation.”

Holcomb then retired to a secluded tomb-like structure with a door that could only be opened from the inside. On Mars, there have been rumors that the legendary warlord Ah Rig Hol Kum has returned from his long exile with the weapons he promised, saying: “Hear me, o Warhoons! With these Red Ryder BB guns, we will sweep aside our foes as the winds of Barsoom blow the dust. It will be as in the days of the great Jeddak Ral Fee Par Kur of Ham Mond! Now follow me, for it is a good day to die!”

Somalia Sends Peacekeepers to Portland

MOGADISHU – In an emergency session of the Somali parliament, law makers determined that the crisis in Portland, Oregon requires immediate action. “We cannot stand idly by as the innocent suffer. I have seen and heard many things from that troubled land. Old people being attacked for merely wearing a hat? How shameful!” said speaker Mohamed Mursal Sheikh Abdurahman.

Part of the aid package includes sending young Somali experts who will teach Americans how to mount machine guns on their trucks to defend their clan’s territory. “I’m very excited for this chance to travel to a distant land, learn a new language and culture, and help make the world a better place”, said Serenity Regiment volunteer Ali Farah Ahmed. “It really broke my heart to learn that the suffering Americans do not have a single technical to defend themselves from bandits.”

Another group of volunteers will be helping the young women of Portland become wives and mothers. “I saw so many shocking things”, said Serenity Regiment volunteer Jawahir Iman. “So many ugly, childless women! No wonder Portland’s birth rate is at its lowest level in 25 years. Fortunately, our land is famous for its beautiful women.” Ms. Iman will work at a clinic where among other things, she will hand out pamphlets like “How to Find a Husband by not Being a Fat, Single Mom with Lots of Debt” and “Unnatural Hair Color, Tattoos, and Piercings: The Three Legs of the Stool of Spinsterhood”.

Portland has long been dogged lately by political violence and economic woes, with its debt now topping $4.1 billion. Ostensibly a multiparty republic, Portland is a de facto one-party state where dissidents have few if any rights. “Portland is not quite as bad as North Korea or Cuba, but it’s getting there”, said Joanna Gambolputty, a human rights analyst at Amnesty International.

Elsewhere, Somali and African Union peacekeepers mobilized and landed in Portland. “We were expecting a tough fight at least at the airport, but we were unopposed and so far, there has been no armed resistance. In fact, many seemed to greet us a liberator, particularly this so-called ‘Black Lives Matter’ group”, said Major General Hassan Abdallah.  “However, when the remnants of Portland’s police force also came out to greet us, the Black Lives Matter clan became hostile and we had to fire in the air to disperse the mob”, he added.

The peacekeepers have spent several weeks restoring law and order and establishing rapport with the locals. There have been setbacks, however, including a failed raid to capture Portland’s notorious warlord Ted Wheeler, leader of the vicious Antifa clan. Critics of Somalia’s foreign interventions have dubbed the operation “Black Bloc Down”.

Jason Vorhees Will Exchange Hockey Mask for MAGA Hat in New Film

LOS ANGELES – “Run, Stacey! He’s not wearing a mask and he’s a Trump supporter!” shrieks a terrified actress in a recently released clip of the new film. “We’re taking the series in a different but relevant direction for the new normal as we build back better” said writer, director, and producer Joanna Gambolputty.

Test screenings have gotten rave reviews from the so-called “Karen” demographic, according to Gambolputty. “Historically, slasher films have been a niche market. We’re working hard to reach fresh audiences, and it turns out the most scrupulous mask wearers are the easiest to scare” added Gambolputty as she sanitized her hands and put another mask on top of the other two.

If successful, there could be similar reboots with other masked killers such as Ghostface and Michael Myers. “I’m really excited about a reboot of the Saw movies where mask and social distancing scofflaws are tormented appropriately for their crimes against the common good” said Gambolputty.

Mask, the working title of another film, features Jim Carey in gritty reboot of the 1994 fantasy comedy. “I have many irons in the fire, and this my favorite” said Gambolputty. “It’s basically the Omega Man, but with a sole survivor who is kept safe by proper masking. Xe fights against zombie ‘covidiots’ who are bent on thwarting xer transition” explained Gambolputty.

Meanwhile, the creators of The Purge have announced a reboot featuring a terrifying world where people don’t wear masks for one day a year. The working title is “Panic!”