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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The Many Colorful Outfits of Louis Farrahkhan

Here he is as an Irish version of Cap'n Crunch:


Here he is in what appears to be a prom tux from about 1975:


A muumuu of some sort:


OK, this guy has more outfits than Liberace.


This appears to be a combo of UPS delivery man and Bill Nye the Science Guy: 


See a pattern?









Whoops! That last one is just some nut. How that get in there? 

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Detroit: Progressive Paradise

There is a city in the US that has not had a Republican mayor since 1962 and no Republicans on its city council since 1994. Not surprisingly, this city is a beacon of prosperity and a shining example of the triumph of progressive public policy. I am speaking of course of Detroit.

Detroit did everything right: they have a high minimum wage, a large and well-paid public sector workforce, strong unions, high education spending, and a tax system that makes sure the rich pay their fair share. Is it any wonder that Detroit has the lowest rates of poverty and unemployment in the nation?

Detroit's strong gun laws have also made it America's safest city. It has the lowest homicide and crime rate of any city in the country. Detroit's high education spending has led to it having the nation's lowest high school drop-out rate as well as the lowest rate of illiteracy. For these reasons, people have been flocking to Detroit and its real estate market is booming. This teeming metropolis is also a bastion of racial harmony with its many mixed neighborhoods.

The city's car factories are thriving as well thanks to the UAW, which helped make GM America's top exporter. In 2008, GM did so well that it donated several billion dollars to the government to help pay down the national debt. Detroit itself is debt free thanks to the sound fiscal policies of the Democrats.

Other cities and states have decided to follow Detroit's example. California has been booming ever since it enacted Detroit's policies. People continue to flock there away from poorly-governed Republican strongholds like Texas.

Despite Detroit's obvious success, many are reluctant to try the winning formula. This November, remember to vote only for progressives. A vote for progressives is a vote for a strong middle class, good education, & low crime.

Just like Detroit.

Rule 34: Jet Fighter




No exceptions.






Saturday, August 16, 2014

Three Cheers for District Attorney Maureen Shelton

I read in the Times Record News of a recent drug bust in Wichita Falls which targeted dealers of the deadly drug K2. How deadly? Well , according to an undercover informant involved in the sting, K2 can "mess you up", a risk that no other drug has ever posed. What makes K2 especially dangerous is that it is a synthetic form of marijuana, which is already known to have caused thousands of overdose deaths. Indeed, since the legalization of recreational marijuana in Colorado, the entire state has been overrun by cannibal dope fiends. Law & order broke down and the living now envy dead.

 Shelton further said that  the suspects "have been profiting off our youth". That's right. They sold to children, probably cute little kindergartners too. Have these fiends no propriety? No other business stoops so low as to make money off of people under the age of 18.  Truly, Shelton is a modern day Elliot Ness and her gang of Untouchables will clean up Wichita County. As we all know, Elliot Ness cleaned all the crime out of Chicago, which is why it is now America's safest city.

The cash and bank accounts of the suspects were seized, in accordance with the Constitution. The 5th amendment clearly states that no person "shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law, unless drugs are involved". I applaud Shelton for her strict adherence to the nation's fundamental law. Words fail to describe the great pride and gratitude I feel to know that I pay the salaries of people as heroic as Maureen Shelton. Most other district attorneys are unprincipled vermin who would indict their own mothers to further their careers.

People like Shelton are vital in maintaining public morality. If anything, they haven't gone far enough. I saw an interesting old movie about a country where they stamped out immorality and all the children were polite and wore uniforms. I had a hard time understanding the dialog because it was in German, but there was this  charismatic guy who gave great speeches and everyone cooperated. They had a cool logo they wore on their matching armbands. I forget the name, but it looked like a plus sign doing a cart wheel. Shelton and her Untouchables would look great with those armbands.

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http://www.co.wichita.tx.us/District_Attorney/index.html





Saturday, August 9, 2014

Hooray for Public Prayer

Recently, the valedictorian at a graduation in South Carolina made the bold move of reciting the Lord's Prayer in his speech despite warnings from school officials not to do so. The school ordered him not to out of fear of a lawsuit from the Freedom From Religion Foundation, a secular advocacy organization.

The valedictorian should be praised for being true to his Christian faith, which teaches its followers to pray loudly in public. As Jesus said in Matthew 6:5 "And when you pray, don't do it in private. Make sure you do it loudly and in public so everyone can see how holy you are."

The secular folks are being overly-sensitive. There's hardly a trace of religion in the public square. If sessions of Congress began with a prayer, or if the President got sworn in on a Bible, or if money had "In God We Trust" on it, or if students were forced to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, then maybe they would have a point.

This is a Christian nation founded on biblical principles. Principles like free speech, elections, allowing women to vote, outlawing slavery, & bicameral legislatures are all found in the Bible. Even freedom of religion is a Christian principle. The first commandment says "thou may have other gods beside me" and Jesus famously said "there are many paths to the top of the mountain, so do what you feel."

If anything, there is far too much pagan influence in our culture. For example, the days of the week are named after the gods the pagans of England worshiped: Sunday for the sun god, Monday for the moon god, Tuesday for Tyr, the war god, Wednesday for Woden, the god of magic, Thursday for Thor, the god of thunder, Friday for Feyja, the goddess of drinking & fornicating, and Saturday for Saturn, the god feasting.

These names, particularly Friday, set a terrible example. I propose the days be renamed to: Churchday, Mosesday, Jesusday, Godday, Holyghostday, Virginmaryday, and Prayerday. It will set a great example for the children. 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

A Common Sense Border Solution

In 2013, about 350,000 illegal immigrants were caught crossing the US-Mexico border. A similar number are not caught. Almost all were from Mexico and various countries in Central America.

Since the current methods are not enough, I propose a new strategy. For every illegal immigrant caught at the border, the border should move south by one inch. This would move the border south by about 5.5 miles per year.

Now, some of you might be worried that this would put the US in charge of cesspools like Tijuana. Have no fear- we will merely tell  former NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg there is a chaotic city in need of his brilliant leadership. Then either Bloomberg will clean up the place, or more likely, get whatever the Mexican equivalent of tar and feathers is. I presume this involves being dressed as a pinata and beaten senseless by sugar-crazed children.

Since the border would be mobile, it would have to be marked with something mobile. I propose something that is a cross between Hands Across America and Great Wall of China. Basically, every underemployed, debt-ridden 20-something could volunteer to be part of the human border for a year and in exchange, discharge their student loan debt. They would be given American flags and formed into one massive red, white, and blue phalanx.

Would there be resistance from the Mexicans? Unlikely, because each human wall volunteer would have a stack of fill-in-the-blank Green cards which they would hand out to anyone who approached them. These new citizens would then be resettled in all the self-styled sanctuary cities like Chicago and Washington DC.

When Mexican leaders are forced to watch in horror as the great Gringo horde slowly marches south, they will finally have an incentive secure their side of the border.

I have another version of this plan that will also make Social Security and Medicare Solvent, which I till elaborate in a future letter.