Me liberal. Me understand everything. Me have plan to fix all problems.
Me very compassionate. Me support massive welfare spending. Me not care that Great Society programs fail to reduce poverty and increase illegitimate child birth. Me say government spend more. Always more.
Me not see strong link between illegitimate childbirth and poverty. Me not see that large proportion of convicted felons were raised in single-parent or foster homes. Me know crime is society's fault and not result of broken families. Me call for more welfare for single mothers, even though this gives an incentive to be one.
Me think rich people should be taxed more. Me say they selfish and can afford it. Me not see hypocrisy in criticizing rich people for being selfish when me keeps as much as me can too. Me not see hypocrisy in criticizing rich people for being selfish when me wants government to take money from rich and give to me. Me not notice rich people use complex tax code to evade taxes. Me not care flat tax systems work well in Hong Kong and former Eastern Bloc nations. Me know progressive tax system is best.
Me think FDR greatest president ever. Me not care that New Deal failed to end Great Depression. Hoover evil because stock market crash occur under him. Depression is fault of Hoover and Coolidge. Me not notice that US also have financial crises in 1819, 1837, 1857, 1873, 1907, and 1920. Me not notice these crises resolved in 2 to 6 years even though government do almost nothing. Me forget Great Depression last 12 years even though government do many, many things.
Me know all Republicans are evil. Me not care that Eisenhower sent troops to support integration and spoke out against military-industrial complex. Me not care that Nixon start EPA and OSHA and open relations with China. Me not care that Reagan put pressure on USSR and helped bring it down. Me know that Reagan evil, evil, evil.
Me believe guns are evil. Me think only government should have guns. Regular people with guns might shoot someone on accident, but police never shoot people on accident. Me not notice that homicide rate in DC go up under handgun ban. Me think gun laws will stop people from buying guns even though drug laws don't stop me from buying drugs.
Me not care about illegal immigrants from Mexico because Hispanics favor Democrats 2 to 1 over Republicans. Me pretend opposition to illegal immigration is about racism, but me know illegal immigrants good for Democrats. Me want illegals to be able to vote and get welfare because me knows this will keep Democrats in power.
Me say free market health system of US is broken, even though me knows is not free market. Me not care that government responsible for half of health care spending. Me not care that health care costs in US began to skyrocket after passage of Medicare. Me know evil insurance companies are to blame. Me know that because me watched Fat Man Movie. Me know health care better in Cuba even though people build homemade boats to get away from it. Me not care that profit system spurs innovation. Me knows making money from sick people is wrong.
Me say is friend of black people. Me not see this as patronizing. Me know all black conservatives are shills. Me not care that higher proportion of black people in jail than in 1950. Me know this have nothing to do with 70% illegitimate childbirth rate among blacks. Is all racism!
Me criticize military spending even though Democrats vote for it too. Me not care that Social Security and Medicare cost twice as much as defense.
Me think can remake world by handing out money. Me not see disastrous effects of foreign aid in Somalia and Democratic Republic of Congo. Me not care that dictators steal aid money and use it to entrench themselves. Me think can tell other countries what to do. Me not see parallel between this and colonialism. Me say more foreign aid.
Me believe in Social Security even though is giant Ponzi scheme. Me not care that Social Security was never intended to be a universal retirement program. Me not care that life expectancy was 65 when program was started. Me say tax rich more. Is always more money!
Me say is not racist, but believes in holding minorities except Asians to lower standards. Me not see how this is hypocritical. Me also not see how this reinforces the very prejudices me is trying to eliminate.
Me say government should subsidize alternative energy. Me not see that oil is cheapest and most compact fuel source available. Me knows usage of fossil fuels is conspiracy of evil oil companies and not fact of chemistry. Oil companies is evil, evil, evil. Me forget government has been subsidizing coal & oil for 100 years.
Me always call for more money for schools. Me not know that the only country that spends more per pupil is Norway. Me not care that DC school system spends the most per pupil in the country and still has very high drop-out rate.
Me think government can overrule laws of economics. Me believe world is simplistic zero-sum-game. Me not know that trade leaves both sides better off. Comparative advantage is myth. Me say government raise minimum wage. Me not see that labor is commodity subject to laws of supply and demand. Me think government can make wealth out of nowhere. Me think deficit spending have no impact on value of the dollar. Me not remember dollar lose 90% of its value because of New Deal deficit spending.
Me liberal. Me much smarter and nicer than you.