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Friday, June 25, 2010

Don't Worry, I Got It All Figured Out by Thomas Friedman

After writing several best-selling books on globalization, I get asked a lot "Mr. Friedman, do you have any ideas about how the world should be run?" Well, heck yeah I do. I'm a friggin' genius.

I made a career out of oversimplifying complex geopolitical issues, so I certainly think I'm qualified to offer a multitude of half-baked, social engineering schemes. Smart grids, electric cars, carbon taxes, renewable energy subsidies- I'm for it all. How will this be implemented, you ask? The government will make it so!

The Chinese have figured this out- why can't we? Boy, I tell you, those Chinese are super smart. Their farts smell like cinnamon buns. I wish I could be Chinese so I could be a part of their glorious collective.

I tout government-directed energy policy, even after the incident I described in Hot, Flat, and Crowded where I had to sue my local government to get permission to a put a solar panel in my front yard. Do I have balls or what?

Some of you might be thinking, "but Mr. Friedman, the government has been subsidizing fossil fuel for decades with many adverse results, so why propose even more market distortion?" Because I'm special; I can see into the future. And I don't mean that in a metaphorical way; I can literally see into the future.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to getting peace in the Middle East, curing cancer, and dealing with nuclear waste.

Awaaaaay!!!

Thomas Friedman is an author and columnist for The New York Times. He also has super powers.

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