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Friday, June 18, 2010

Lady Gaga Returns To Her Home Planet

In a beet field on the outskirts of Freehold, Iowa, thousands of well-wishers have gathered to bid farewell to extraterrestrial singing sensation Lady Gaga, who will soon be boarding a starship bound for a system near the star Arcturus. Since arriving on Earth in 2008, Lady Gaga's music has taken the world by storm, though the word "music" seems totally inadequate to describe the entity's alien and hypnotic audio creations.

The artist has said that Earth was the last stop on its interstellar music tour, and that "My three hearts are swollen with joy and despair. It is time for me to return to the ammonia clouds and purple dune seas of my beautiful homeworld. I wish to thank the people of Earth for hosting me. I grok you all."

As it climbed the gantry leading into the mile-long spaceship, the entity gave a short farewell in its native tongue. When asked to describe the melody, many spectators said the English language lacks the words to describe the sound, but it was like a combination of a whale song and a car alarm. The sound shattered windows and caused temporary hearing loss in a 50 mile radius.

When reached for comment, Dylan Brewer, 23, said "Thank God it's gone. I'm so tired of those fucking songs."

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