US Army WW2 Fitness Standards - There was no 2-Mile Run Event

Oh, how I hate long-distance running. I hated it before, during, and after I was in the Army. Seeing this was a pleasant surprise. 

The pace of the 300 Yd run corresponds to about 13 mph. The world record for running 300 m, a similar distance, is about 30 seconds. 

When I was in, and for about 40 years prior, the Army used a simplified test that only had pushups, situps, and a 2-mile run. 

In contrast, the current Army fitness test is a six-event monstrosity as shown in the video below. Someone more tech savvy than me needs to make a Yakety Sax version of it.

To quote a cartoon caveman from the mid 90s, when will the hurting stop?