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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Pothead, Tax Cheat Push For Laws The Other Will Easily Evade

BALTIMORE, MD

Longtime cannabis user Tim Perry has often expressed his disgust at the gaping inequality of wealth in America. "The richest 1%, control like 50% of the wealth or something. Those greedy fuckers. Share the wealth, you know? There should be higher taxes for the rich."

When reached for comment, local entrepreneur and tax cheat Martin Vandegaard responded: "What a moron. First of all, the tax code is so full of loopholes you could use it for a sieve. And from time to time, you can even get away with making your own. One loophole closes, another opens up. Part of the reason for that is that congressmen don't like to pay taxes either. The whole soak-the-rich mentality is just a matter of envy."

"The government shouldn't waste my money trying to punish me for being successful. What we really need are tougher drug laws to lock up drug dealers corrupting our kids and the parasite users they spawn," Vandegaard added.

Perry, who has been successfully dodging drug laws since the age of 15, was unimpressed. "Pfft. Millions of people smoke weed. What are they gonna do? Lock up half the country? Besides, only total dumbasses ever get busted, so where's the incentive?" Perry went on to describe the large and tenacious drug subculture which continues to thrive in spite of ever increasing penalties and law enforcement efforts. "The government shouldn't be going after me. They should go after all those rich douchebags who dodge taxes and then buy votes."

Vandegaard, who has kept his considerable wealth safely hidden in a Byzantine system of foreign tax shelters, was asked to comment. "Right, like I should just hand over however much the government asks for. You think I worked day and night for 20 years to be a millionaire just to let some IRS schmuck walk away with it? Get real. And besides, I've never been caught."

As of press time, neither party has reconsidered his position.

1 comment:

Gianni said...

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