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Monday, May 10, 2010

Mariah Carey Filling In For Aquaman This Week

PORTLAND, OR

Speaking at a press conference this morning, underwater superhero Aquaman announced that he is temporarily turning over his duties to close friend and pop diva Mariah Carey. "While [Carey] lacks the ability to communicate telepathically with marine life, her lung capacity is sufficient for her to stay submerged for several hours at a time," elaborated Aquaman.

Aquaman also remarked that her ability to emit extremely high frequency sounds audible to whales and dolphins was another factor in his choice of substitute. "Picking Mariah just lets me rest easy and enjoy my week off knowing the world's oceans are in safe flippers, er, hands. I mean, she's part dolphin isn't she?"

When reached for comment, Carey said that "I'm not worried. If anyone starts trouble, I'll just make his ears bleed with my voice. EE-EE-EE-EE-EEEKKKKKKK!!"

Carey then somersaulted backwards while whistling, then lead nearby fish in a spirited rendition of "Under the Sea."

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