HELL - Sources close to the Prince of Darkness report that he has been pondering selling his immortal soul to President Trump, whom the fallen angel considers to be the best chance for obtaining everlasting power over the earth. In a phone interview, the timeless representative of evil incarnate admitted that even he failed to stop Trump from defeating Clinton, who had offered to make the Devil Secretary of Education in exchange for support. Satan admitted that the soul market was heading toward recession. Soul prices have tumbled as more and more people, including most of California's adult population, have sold their souls to the Devil in exchange for preventing Trump s re-election. "So my thinking is", explained the dark lord, "the greatest act of evil I could commit would be to get all these liberal losers to sell their souls to me, then turn them into Trump's eternal property by selling my soul to him. Diabolical, isn't it?" The beast then tented his fingers and laughed maniacally.
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