OAKLAND - "We are now one step closer to completing Grand Funk Unified Theory, also known as The Notorious GUT" said project director Dr. Marijuana Pepsi. The particle has been named the garyon in honor of Gary Coleman, the late actor famous for his role on Diff'rent Strokes. "This discovery could also be the key to converting Black Lives Matter into Black Lives Energy, but not before we determine the garyon's charge, spin, and pronouns", she added.
Meanwhile, Dr. Joanna Gambolputty has been researching Ultraviolet Privilege, a non-ionizing form of prejudice emitted from golf paraphernalia. "We're not sure whether it flows from the person to the object or vice-versa. It's possible that the mechanism is similar to the way the dipole of a pimp's cane becomes aligned with its owner's field, for a pimp's field is very different from that of a square."
Elsewhere, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored Particles has hailed the discovery of the garyon and demanded that at least three of the Standard Model's 17 particles be derived from Black Lives Matter. "It's high time we have a conceptual framework of the universe that looks like America" said NAACP spokesman and nudism advocate Oliver Klozoff. "The garyon is funkymental to our understanding of nature. Uhuru!"
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not satire: the real Dr. Marijuana Pepsi
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