Facebook is full of scammers, bots, attention whores, and impostors

In November of 2024, I decided to add every friend suggested and went from about 300 to 5,000 in a few days. I was quickly bombarded with messages that all asked the same questions: where I live, what I do for a living, etc. So the novelty wore off fast and last week I decided it was time to cut ties with the many disingenuous people I'd befriended online. 

Sex scammers are by far the most common. After that comes money, weight loss, and religion. Not much of a surprise there. I'm tempted to estimate that somewhere around 90% of Facebook profiles are fraudulent in one way or another. If there's a sucker logging into Facebook every minute, there are at least 10 to take him it seems.

I suppose in retrospect this should not be surprising on a platform that has basically no barriers to entry. 

The main lessons I see are: it is easy to accumulate Facebook friends and it is also easy to get random women to send you naked or almost naked pictures and videos of themselves.

NSA Starts Dating Service

FORT MEADE - The National Security Agency has recently launched an online dating service. The initiative came as a result of pressure from the Department of Government Efficiency which requires that federal agencies be self-funding to the greatest extent possible. "We're excited by this new opportunity to both showcase our technical prowess as well as gain insights into threats to the homeland", said NSA Deputy Director Joanna Gambolputty. "It makes a lot of sense when you think about it since we already have everyone's contact info, address, online activity, etc.", she explained. 

When asked for comment, DOGE head Elon Musk said that the initiative was long overdue. "We have so much incredible technology that is not being properly leveraged. There's no reason why shouldn't be able to buy an NSA premium adult friend finder package to find another woman to bear my offspring", said the tech titan. "Furthermore, having a live-feed displayed on the big screens in my underwater volcano lair will provide much needed entertainment and useful work for my army of desk jockey minions. Whichever one of them finds a suitable mate for me gets an extra vacation day and a 6-month immunity period from being fired. High productivity is just at matter of creating the right incentives, after all."

Elsewhere, other groups have protested the move, including Citizens Against Government Efficiency (CAGE). The movement is based on an unusual alliance of hardcore libertarians and career bureaucrats. "Why would I or any other libertarian want the government to be more efficient? Efficient government is efficient tyranny", said Haywood Jablome, president of the Reformed Libertarian Party. Jablome's counterpart, Joshua Niedermeyer, is a former regional manager for the IRS. Niedermeyer added that "like so many others, I became a government employee for the job security, slow pace of work, obscene pay and benefits, and most importantly, a near total lack of accountability. All that is threatened by Musk's so-called efficiency experts. Well I say there are things people don't want the government to do efficiently. Important things!" This remark caused the mixed audience of libertarians and bureaucrats to cheer in agreement. 

 

Many foreign governments have expressed interest in the dating service, particularly those with dangerously low fertility rates. "Arranged marriages are an old-fashioned solution that simply won't work in much of the world", explained Sushi Nintendo of the Japanese Population Bureau. "Japan has always been at the forefront of solutions that combine both high technology and smothering conformism. Once all fertile citizens are registered with this service, mandatory dating can begin. As a bonus, this service will hopefully stifle nuisances such as anime hentai porn, soap lands, brothels, and weeaboo sex tourists."

How to Win Super Monkey Poop Fight

play the game here:

 

https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/297130

general tips:

-you get infinite lives so use them

-attack enemies from above or behind

-don't forget to duck; it lets you dodge projectiles and hit crouched and climbing enemies

-ignore birds; you don't need to kill them to clear a stage

-don't run into anything that isn't a bunch of bananas or an extra life

-don't attack enemies again until they stop blinking

-if you enjoy gore, let the gorilla attack you

-you can stomp on monkeys climbing on vines below you to make them fall

There are 25 levels and then a victory screen.

Proofs that 0.9999... = 1

Let x = 0.9999...

10x = 9.9999...

10x - x = 9.9999... - 0.9999...

9x = 9

x = 1

QED

Another way:

1/3 + 1/3 + 1/3 = 1

1/3 = 0.3333....

0.3333... + 0.3333... + 0.3333... = 1

0.9999... = 1

QED

One more way:

Let y = 0.1111....

10y = 1.1111...

10y - y = 1.1111... - 0.1111...

9y = 1

y = 1/9 

9y = 9(0.1111....)

9y = 0.9999...

1 = 0.9999...

QED

There are probably some uses for this insight, but I can't think of any off the top of my head.

All repeating decimals can be written as factions, and 1 is the same as the fraction 1/1. 

It must be the case that 0.9999... = 1 otherwise there is a repeating decimal that has no fractional counterpart. 

Alternative Education - My Ideal School

In my personal life as an adult, I've only needed to use math a few times per year, and it was rarely more complicated than algebra. As an engineer, I did most of my job-related math with Excel. Even so, I don't regret all the time I spent doing math problems because it turned out to be useful in a different way.

Teachers lie to students about the importance of the math (and other subjects) they study so that they don't get even lazier in the classroom. It would be better, I think, to tell students directly the true purpose of studying math: to develop their ability to think logically. 

There are many ways to develop that ability. Games like chess are particularly useful in addition to being more fun that doing textbook math problems. My ideal school would have a schedule something like this:

8:00 to 8:50 -     Swimming 

9:00 to 9:50 -     Chess

10:00 to 10:50 - Scrabble

11:00 to 11:50 - Music

12:00 to 12:50 - Lunch and free reading/writing period

1:00 to 1:50 -     Art

2:00 to 2:50 -     Video and Discussion

3:00 to 3:50 -     History/Geography trivia contest

The exact details are not important. The goal is to introduce a variety of hands-on activities that involve different mental abilities. It's a lot easier to get children to play a game than do traditional schoolwork. 

It's sad that many teachers measure their success by how much busywork they can compel their students to do. I met a teacher who flat out told me her goal was to make her students more tired than her at the end of the day. 

Ultimately, the students who want to learn will if given the chance. As for the others, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I suppose for the truly incorrigible, about the sanest and most humane option would be to simply have them copy the dictionary all day by hand. That at least develops their vocabulary and penmanship in addition to forcing them to read.

Otherwise, making school more like summer camp would have various benefits. For myself, I sometimes wonder if I would have been better off graduating from school as quickly as possible and pursuing my own interests independently. I probably would have been happier but might not have learned as much. 

The story of Michael Kearney should be an inspiration to everyone. Among his many academic achievements, he graduated from high school when he was 6 and college when he was 10. He remains the youngest person to do so. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Kearney

If a motivated 6-year-old can graduate from an American high school, that tells me academic standards are a joke. It's one of the many reasons I'd like to see the end of compulsory education and the public school system, though I don't expect that to ever happen. 

Homeless, Senile Man Mistaken for Senator

WASHINGTON DC - A shabby, disheveled vagrant was escorted from a closed door-intelligence briefing at the Capitol today after a thorough examination, whereupon it was concluded that the stranger was not a senator. "I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you. We've become increasingly accustomed to members of Congress being elderly and strangely dressed, so at first glance, who was to know any better?" said Joanna Gambolputty, a senior political analyst at the RANT Institute. "But, lo and behold, it seems that once in a while, some rando just sort of waltzes by accident like Mr. Magoo, peering around with confused stares and babbling nonsense just like the rest of committee."

Security experts have recommended a number of measures to prevent such incidents in the future. These include special badges or headgear to be worn by Senators and Representatives. The headgear may be a sort of rigid helmet to protect the wearer from injury or a tall, conelike hat so that they may be seen from afar. In either case, the headgear with be fixed with a chinstrap. Others have suggested that for greater safety, members of Congress should not walk, but rather be transported everywhere by wheelchair. Additionally, to better provide emergency medical care, lawmakers ought to wear loose-fitting robes that can easily be opened.

Meanwhile, critics point out the fundamental flaws of such a perspective. "The Capitol is the people's house of our great democracy, not a country club," opined Senator Fetterman while dressed in his trademark hoodie and basketball shorts. "I dress for comfort, just like many other Americans, and it's a courtesy we ought to extend to everyone, including lawmakers on Capitol Hill", he added while chewing gum and playing with a cup and string. Fetterman thus far has been able to skirt the dress code on the Senate floor by voting from the cloakroom. This longstanding compromise was intended as a replacement to the historical and much more arduous Hot Lava Rule whereby improperly attired lawmakers were not allowed to touch the floor, but instead had to leap from one piece of furniture to the next. 

However, as the median age of politicians steadily increased, it became necessary to discard most of the more dramatic and physical events, such as the old rule by which the Speaker of House had to swing on a rope to the podium, dip his hands in grease, and then wrestle the gavel away from the previous speaker. Although it was passed with bipartisan agreement, the Rambunctious Roughhousing Reduction act was vetoed by Teddy Roosevelt in 1905 but was later overridden by the so-called Wuss and Sissy Caucus.     

EPA Declares California Celebrities an Endangered Species

LOS ANGELES - "Now that much of their already small habitat has been destroyed by wildfires, we are stepping in to protect this unique, majestic American species", said EPA spokeswoman Joanna Gambolputty. "For far too long, we neglected the conservation of this keystone species, who number less than 4,000 in the wild according to the Hollywood Walk of Fame", she added. Experts have warned that the West Coast Celebrity is in danger of extinction unless they can make the arduous migration to a handful of sanctuaries such as Aspen and Manhattan. This is unlikely as the West Coast Celebrity is notoriously vulnerable to deadly parasites known as "paparazzi".

To make matters worse, a vast and hostile wasteland known informally as "Flyover Country" straddles the main migration routes of the West Coast Celebrity. Celebrity conservation experts have suggested luring the celebrities to a central location where they may then be corralled onto private jets and transported to sanctuaries where they may be safely released. However, this raises ethical concerns as almost nothing can attract a West Coast Celebrity except the prospect of cocaine and sex with underage teenagers. Even if the celebrities were successfully relocated, there is no guarantee they would successfully breed, as their young require prestigious private schools in which to mingle with politicians.

Others have proposed importing celebrities from overseas to boost native stocks. This approach has been successful many times in the past with celebrities from Canada, though their ecosystem has suffered as creatures like Brian Adams and Justin Trudeau have gone out of control with the lack of natural predators. According to celebrity expert Hugh Jass of Miskatonic University, "these majestic yet fragile creatures live in a delicate balance with their environment. Without sufficient camera time and public adulation, they tragically wither and die, thus forcing other species such as professional athletes, politicians, and rich people to shoulder the ecological burden of entertaining Americans."

Jass noted that it may be possible to condition scientists such as Anthony Fauci to be nearly identical to a celebrity and suggested that mass media seems to play a pivotal role in celebrity reproduction. "It's well known that the children of celebrities are usually celebrities, but the truly intriguing aspect of their life cycle is that nearly anyone can become a celebrity given the right circumstances, as seen for example in the case of the Hawk Tuah girl", Jass added. Jass remains optimistic about the future of American celebrities. "If Al Gore can become a minor celebrity, I can say with confidence we will never reach the much feared 'Peak Celebrity' crisis that was predicted in the 70s."