Biden Wins Grand Prize at Gibberish Olympics

DUBLIN - Held in honor of James Joyce, the Gibberish Olympics bring together the world's greatest incomprehensibles. Biden was expected to win the Authentic Frontier category, but his victory streak did not end there. In a stunning upset, former US Vice President Joe Biden trounced the competition of Marxist philosophers and/or muttering, drunken vagrants with a rap set to the tune of the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song. 

The lyrics are some of his greatest hits: "My name's Joe Biden and I'm here to say: Look fat, that's a bunch of malarkey. You're a lying dog-face pony soldier. You remember the straight razors, you had to bang 'em on the curb, gettin' em rusty, puttin' em in the rain barrel, gettin' em rusty. Make sure you have the record player on at night. I voted for 700 miles of fence. Well, son of a bitch, it's a big fuckin' deal. Corn Pop was a bad dude and he ran a bunch of bad boys. Little creeps who teach you how to kill. I said 'hey Ester, you! Off the board!'. We choose truth over facts. I learned about roaches. I learned about kids jumping on my lap. Poor kids are just as talented as white kids. Just a fire a shotgun through the door. Bingo, you're right if you have an assault weapon. They're gonna put y'all back in chains. Sleep was like a phantom I was too tired to chase. What happened today to @JussieSmollett must never be tolerated in this country. The carnage was over, but there was still a bitter taste in my mouth." 

 In addition to the grand prize, Biden also received the coveted Charles Manson Lifetime Achievement Award for Excellence in Wolf Kabob Roth Vantage Gefrannis Booj Pooch Jujube Bear-Ramage Jigiji Geeji Geeja Geeble Google Begep Flagaggle Vaggle Veditch Waggle Bagga. 

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 While this piece is satire, all the quotes in the second paragraph are real.