"What?! Isn't Vader the second in command of the Empire?"
"Yes, but before that he was a Jedi like me. Here's his light saber. I ganked it from him after he tried to kill me. He also killed a bunch of sand people and their children with it. To be honest, he was kind of a dick."
"Holy shit! I don't want it."
"Too bad, take it. I'm tired of lugging it around. Speaking of sand people, they probably know you're his son, so it's best to stay the hell away from them."
"How do you know all this?"
"Your father, Anakin Skywalker, AKA Darth Vader, was my apprentice. Things were going OK until this douchebag Palpatine talked him into joining the bad guys. Palpatine is now the emperor."
"So what am I supposed to do about all that?"
"I want you to fight them both. Hopefully you can kill Palpatine and redeem your father with a beatdown. It's not a great plan, I admit, but I'll help you, and it will get you off this rock you hate anyway."
"Well, I guess I'm in. What's next?"
"We hire a ship a head for a rebel base. Once we explain things, they'll make you a space fighter pilot, and you can get some combat experience. I'll also teach you about Jedi stuff like the Force. Sound good?"
"What's the Force?"
"Eh, the short answer is you can use it to move stuff with your mind, jump farther, and hypnotize dumb people."
"Sweet! Maybe I can use a Jedi mind trick to get away from my uncle."
"That's a damn find idea. Next time you see him, just wave your hand slowly in front of his face and say, 'you don't need me on this farm anymore'. When you're done doing that and whatever else you want to do here, hit me up so we can get a move on."
"What about the droids?"
"OK, so you figured out already that lady in the hologram was talking about me. Good job. Her name is Princess Leia and she's your sister. Pretty crazy, eh? Anyway, once we get to a rebel base, we can show them the hologram, we'll be in with the big shots."
"Is Jedi training hard?"
"Not really. Most of it is irrelevant or unnecessary. In hindsight, the Jedi were not the sharpest tools in the shed. That's how your dad was able to wipe out all of them except for me and this guy named Yoda."
"Yoda?"
"He's this weird little old dude who ran off to Dagobah when everything went to hell in a handbasket. We haven't kept in touch. Honestly, I think the guy is kind of useless. He might have some pointers for you though."
"How do we get to a rebel base?"
"We hire a ship from one of the local smugglers. I found this guy named Han Solo. He seems solid, and his pal Chewbacca is big enough to beat up anybody. At this point, we might as well leave right now. Imperial stormtroopers will be looking for the droids, and anyone they find along the way is in deep shit. Like I said, we should both just peace out now. I have a bad feeling already about your aunt and uncle. Sorry."
"OK. I'm ready. Lead the way, Ben."
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