A mild-mannered redneck, Cletus Spunkmeyer was catfish noodling when he was attacked and bitten by a radioactive meth-head. The incident gave him the incredible powers of poor judgement and impulsivity. Now he fights crime and the forces of evil with his trusty sidekick Gator Boy.
And now, our story continues in media res…
“Holy masturbating alligators, Florida Man! It’s your arch-nemesis, The Bureaucrat!”
“I see him, Gator Boy” mutters our peninsular hero as he cracks open a can of Skoal and lights an M-80.
“Foolish Florida Flan! I mean Flooish Florida Fan! I mean, well you know what I mean. Taste the wrath of my nefarious henchmen, the Paper Pushers!”
A heart-pounding melee ensues with appropriate music and sound effects!
POW! BIFF! BAM! ZONK! BARF!
“Curses, foiled again! Paper Pushers, retreat!” shrieks the Bureaucrat as he detonates a Red Tape smoke bomb to cover his escape.
“Manatee mammary, Florida Man. That fight was a close one.”
“Yes, Gator Boy, but it’s the close fights that make this job worth it. Now let’s get shitfaced and make lewd comments to the waitresses at Hooters.”
“Yay! I want to wear an onion ring like a monocle and call myself Count von Scratch-n-Sniff.”
“You’re a great American, Gator Boy.”
And so the day is saved once more by that most proactive of pairs, Florida Man and Gator Boy. Tune in next week for Strip Club Showdown.
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