The Emperor's New Mermaid

A powerful and cruel emperor had an endless appetite for singing and stories. He'd order his sailors to kidnap mermaids and bring them to his palace. There, he'd force them to sing and tell him stories all night. When he grew tired of them, he beheaded them with a single, swift stroke from a stolen silver-scabbarded scimitar.

One day, a new mermaid was captured and brought to the palace. She was put in a pool just before the emperor in his throne room. There was a large rock in the pool with a lyre sitting on it. "Mermaid!", bellowed the emperor. "Perch on that rock and play me a song." So the mermaid did as commanded and began to play the lyre and sing an enchanting song. The whole time however, her gaze was fixed on the emperor for any sign of boredom. For hours she sang and played until the emperor began to slouch and propped his head with his hand. At this, the mermaid quickly ended the song and spoke. 

"Your majesty, have you not heard the tale of the tortoise and the snail?"

"Don't you mean the tortoise and the hare?"

"Oh no, this story is different. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Shall I begin?"

"By all means", said the king as he sat up with renewed interest. 

"When stars were young and the mountains were new, animals spoke just like you and me. They were all in a hurry to claim they were the best at something, and there were many contests. For some creatures, there was not much they could boast about. For instance, both the snail and the tortoise claimed to be the slowest animal. After a several very long arguments, for you see, they even argued slowly, the other creatures became annoyed and insisted that the tortoise and snail compete in a race to see who was the slowest. But, as slow as they both indeed were, they were also shrewd and determined to win the glorious title of slowest animal. The tortoise called on his friend the eagle and said 'after the first day of the race, we shall both be dead tired and far from finishing. My dear friend, I beg of you, when we are both fast asleep, take up the snail and carry her just before the finish line. She is sure to forfeit then.' The eagle nodded that she understood and gave her word.

"While the tortoise was conniving in this way, the snail was conspiring to cheat as well. Se went to her friend the alligator and said 'I simply cannot lose to the tortoise. When night falls and the tortoise is asleep, pick him up in your jaws and put him just before the finish line. He is sure to forfeit then.' The alligator agreed, then growled and flicked his tail as he went splashing back into the swamp.

"The next morning, the race began with many curses and insults between the tortoise and the snail. There were some curious onlookers from the rest of the animal kingdom who were trying very hard not to laugh at such a pathetic spectacle. Hours passed, and neither competitor had traveled much farther than a small stone can be thrown. The sun set, and both the tortoise and the snail curled up into their shells to sleep. True to their word, the eagle and the alligator arrived at almost the same time to fulfill their respective promises. 'What a coincidence seeing you here, eagle', said the alligator. 'No doubt your friend the tortoise put you up to this. My friend the snail asked me likewise to help her win.' The eagle nodded and admitted this was indeed the case. 'Oh, alligator. This reminds me of the story of The Boy Who Cried Golf.'"

"No, that's not right", shouted the emperor. "You mean The Boy Who Cried Wolf. What kind of storyteller are you?" 

"Pardon me, your majesty, but perhaps I am as bad a storyteller as you are an emperor." replied the mermaid. "Furthermore, you should know that word of your cruelty has spread far and wide under the sea. Some of my fellow mermaids went off to complain to a sea serpent, and this particularly sea serpent loves to eat emperors. If you let me go and promise to never bother us again, I will do my best to convince them to forgive you."

At this, the emperor summoned his guards and a ship. They all went aboard with a crew of sailors and personally escorted the mermaid to the exact same spot she had been taken from. She happily dove into the sea and swam out of sight. The emperor and his men returned home, and the emperor let his son take over him. It was a sensible move given that the son was planning to poison his father in order to ascend the throne faster. Such are the hazards of nepotism. The now ex-emperor became a fisherman and lived in a small shack on the seashore. One day, a sea serpent came roaring out of the waves. 

"Good heavens", shouted the ex-emperor. "Please tell me, do you eat emperors?"

"Human, I eat all creatures great and small, but I especially enjoy eating emperors, and aside from your humble abode, you look like one", said the sea serpent as it flicked its tongue and coiled to strike.

"I was an emperor, but recently stepped down to spend less time with my family. However, if you spare my life, I will tell you a magnificent story."

The sea serpent relaxed and drew closer. "How I love a good story. Go on, what's it called?"

"It's called The Emperor's New Mermaid, but before I tell that story, I must tell another one first." And so the ex-emperor began a new life as a storyteller.