Introduction to Derpetology- The Derp "Rosetta Stone"

Welcome. Please take a syllabus and be seated.

Today I'll be discussing some excerpts from the so-called Derp Rosetta Stone. This tablet was used in ancient times to facilitate communication between people and Derps.

DERP- It's not fair.
ENGLISH- I don't like it

DERP- I'm a centrist; you're an extremist.
ENGLISH- I'm right; you're wrong.

DERP- Trust me, I have more experience.
ENGLISH- I can't explain why you're wrong, but you are.

DERP- To be the most successful computer company in the world at delivering the best customer experience in markets we serve
ENGLISH- To stay in business by not selling shitty computers

DERP- Undisputed Marketplace Leadership
ENGLISH- We're #1! We're #1!

DERP- We're taking the company in the new direction.
ENGLISH- Clean out your desk and get out of my sight.

DERP- This will go on your permanent record.
ENGLISH- I am too lazy to give you a real punishment.

DERP- Thank you for you application.
ENGLISH- You lose.

DERP- There are those who say...
ENGLISH- My strawman opponents say....

As you can see, although Derp is quite different from English, the are rules of thumb to aid in translation.