Space Force Moffs Deny Rumors of Death Star Cost Overruns

WASHINGTON DC - In an open session of the Armed Services Committee today, senators grilled Space Force moffs for hours. One of the more contentious issues was the so-called "Alderaan" whistleblower, whose leaked report indicated a fatal flaw in the design of the Death Star space defense superiority system. 

"Am I to understand that this moon-sized armored battle station could be destroyed by a weapon one billionth its size fired by a ship one ten millionth its size?" asked Senator Jim Inhofe. "Hypothetically, theoretically, yes", replied Grand Moff Tarkin "but only if enemy spies were able to retrieve the secret plans." "Which are available on Wikileaks." said Senator Graham, "I'm looking at them right now, in fact. There's even warning of the exposed exhaust port and the chain reaction a lucky strike could cause." 

"Well, surely our engineers meant to fix that later," said Grand Moff Tarkin. "The note says 'if they shoot here, we're screwed", said Senator Inhofe. "Enough of that. Let's move on to this planet-destroying superlaser. Now, my understanding is that lasers are focused beams of light, which would therefore move at the speed of light. And given the vast distances of outer space, it could take hours, days, or years for the laser to reach its intended target. By which time the planet would have moved out of the way or the enemy on the planet could have vacated", said Senator Inhofe. 

"That is correct, Senator, but you must remember that this weapon is intended as a show of force, shock and awe if you will" said Grand Moff Tarkin, "expensive though it may be, it's an investment that will pay off as well as provide jobs in every congressional district. The Chinese and Russians are building up in orbit. Senator, we cannot afford a giant superlaser space battle station gap." 

"All well and good", said Senator Inhofe, "but there's still the issue of the appalling marksmanship among Space Force stormtroopers. Is it the helmets? Because those guys can't seem to hit a barn door if they were holding the handle. Furthermore, what use would infantry be in space combat? Do you intend to send boarding parties onto alien vessels? And lastly, I have right here a bid from the ACME corporation for an illudium PU-36 exploding space modulator, which is no larger than a stick of dynamite and perfectly capable of destroying a planet. Now what do you have to say to that?" Grand Moff Tarkin slowly waved his hand through the air and said "you will dismiss this hearing...you will appropriate funds for our budget...I have pictures of you going down on Jabba the Hutt..." Senator Inhofe then hurriedly banged the gavel and adjourned the meeting.