Genie Tonic

 

The state fair had come once more to the dusty fairgrounds of a podunk town. Crowds of curious rubes and yokels from miles around came for the circus and other festivities. As exciting as seeing an elephant was for people, who in most cases were people who'd never been more than 50 miles from where they had been born, the real attraction every year was always the traveling medicine show. It was headed by that inimitable and most esteemed doctor, pastor, and Kentucky Colonel, Rufus Ozymandias Washington III Esquire. He was an imposing and jovial figure in his top hat and beetle wing tailcoat. A full head of silver hair and immaculately trimmed beard lent him an air of gravitas and serene dignity. As his wagon entered the fairgrounds, it was as through an oriental potentate had returned in triumph from some epic battle. From the shotgun seat, Washington's assistant repeatedly shouted, "make way, make way ladies and gentlemen, for the one and only world-famous Washington Traveling Medicine Show!" 

A throng trailed behind the wagon which stopped and set up shop right in front of the big top of the main circus tent. It was a prominent position which ensured the maximum number of people would walk past the medicine show. Of course, Rufus had made arrangements in advance with the circus boss to occupy this prime real estate and paid a king's ransom for it. Money is for spending, as Rufus like to say, and despite the humble appearance of his enterprise, it was enormously profitable. All he had to do was follow the circus the way a vulture circles carrion and he was sure to be flush with cash by the end of the season. His long streak of success had made him haughty, even reckless. Alas, his health was on the decline, and he had decided this would be his last season, and thus, his last top at this particular fairground. He vowed that this season would be his swan song and that he would go out with a bang. In his mind, it was his duty to give the crowd what they wanted, which was hope, entertainment, and escape from their humdrum lives.

From the wagon, Rufus emerged, and he and a few helpers assembled a makeshift stage. After a few more preparations, Rufus, bullhorn in hand, mounted the rickety contraption and shouted at the top of his lungs: "ladies and gentlemen, the great traveling medicine show is hereby open for business! Hurry, hurry, hurr-aay! Step right up now to receive for the most convenient prices antidotes for the gravest afflictions! 100% satisfaction guaranteed, step right up, hurry, hurry, hurr-aay!" Soon, a man stepped forth near the stage. He said, "hello, stranger. Watcha got for a man losing his hair?" Rufus turned to the petitioner with a kind look in his eyes. Then he said "oh good sir, hair loss is a common affliction. Here, for the low, low price of $1 per bottle, you can have a bottle of my patented, fool-proof hair-restoring male-enhancement tonic. And, if you know what I mean, a side-effect of this tonic makes any many much stronger in the bedroom, and that is sure to make your wife happy as well."

There were excited gasps and exclamations from the women in the audience. Some were giddy with anticipation and others laughed quietly in skeptical derision.

As soon as Rufus bellowed these words into a megaphone, a crowd of men scrambled to buy bottles of the so-called male enhancement tonic. "Now, now", Rufus shouted to the spell-bound crowd of men, "there's plenty here for every man, remember the manners your mama taught you and be gentlemen about it!" So then after a few moments, the former furor died down and the crowd was calm again. Rufus scanned the crowd for their foibles and weaknesses, and after a few moments of consideration, he bellowed into the megaphone once more: "Gentlemen in the audience, be truthful now with yourselves and with those near and dear to you. Have you lost some vim and vigor since the golden age of your youth? Are you no longer slim in the waist and pretty in the face as you were when you first laid loving eyes on a fair young maiden? Are you eager to regain the jaunty spring in your step? Then step right up, good fellows, for the salvation of your sorrows is only a bottle away for the low, low price of $2."

Of course, with just such an irresistible sales pitch, a crowd of men gathered an around Rufus as he clutched greenbacks with one hand and tossed out bottles with the other. And in just such a way, the minutes and hours ticked by until Rufus was about ready to pack up for the night. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a boy about the age of 12 doggedly push his way to the front the crowd. With a plaintive voice full of hope, the boy yelled "Dr. Washington! Dr. Washington! Please, wait! I'm coming!" For once in his life, Rufus was overwhelmed with a strange sense of regret and pity. He bade his assistants to hold fast as the boy approached to within arm's length. "Oh, thank you so much, Doctor Washington", said the boy, "I knew the good lord would answer my prayers and let me speak with you tonight." Rufus was thunderstruck by the earnestness and sincerity of the boy's voice. He looked the eager lad right in the eyes and gave him his undivided attention.

"Thank you for waiting, Doctor Washington. I know you can help me. I brought with me all the money I've managed to scrape together in this piggy bank", said the boy as he held his prized possession aloft in front of the shameless charlatan's incredulous eyes. The boy then shook the bank and said "hear that? That's the sound of $1.37, I know it's not much but it's all I've got. Doctor Washington, my dear sister perished last year from whooping cough. My family and I'd give anything to see her and talk with her again, even just for one day. Can you help us?"

Rufus struggled to maintain his composure as his mind raced. After a moment, he said, "what a fine young man you are. Wait here just a moment, I have just the thing for your tragic predicament." He hurried quickly into the wagon and retrieved an unlabeled bottle of worthless and harmless snake oil that had gone unsold for years. As he handed it to the grateful youngster, he said "Don't worry about the money, my boy. This one's on this house, as they say. I regret to inform you that the good lord did not see fit to bless me with the power of resurrection, for that was entrusted to our blessed savior and to him alone. However, I am pleased to say that the magical flask you now hold contains a most precious liquid called genie tonic. That is to say, once you rub a bit from the contents of that bottle on yourself, you will be magical just like a genie from the tale of Aladdin and the Lamp. You will have the power to grant wishes, but only to those pure of heart and truly in need. Furthermore, your power will decline with each wish you grant, so be careful with it."

With that, the boy seemed satisfied and took his leave. The incident stuck in the mind of the patent medicine dealer, and the experience of that evening was like a dark cloud which cast a shadow over the remaining performances. Summer grew to a close, and just as planned, Rufus retired to a pleasant college in the middle of nowhere. Even so, he had insatiable curiosity about the boy, and he subscribed to the local newspapers of the area in question for any new developments. As it turned out, there were a series of seemingly miraculous rescues from the vicinity of that fateful medicine show. Rufus could not but sigh and reflect that perhaps for once in his life, he had actually helped someone.