I, Soldier - part 9

“Back when I was tail gunner, I was so scared. On our last mission, we almost got shot down. Just one engine was still running and that got us over the channel. One of the waist gunners got shot up real bad over the target and was bleeding like a stuck pig. He was screaming ‘oh god Jesus it hurts! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! I don’t wanna die!’ So I ran up to him to put on a tourniquet and he was still bleeding like Niagara Falls, and so I finally I lost my temper and yelled: God damn it you stupid son of a bitch! Stop squirming so I can tie off this fucking tourniquet! We had to crash land because the gears were all shot to shit. I forget how many bullet holes they counted in our bomber. ten of us went out and three of us came back. Glory, glory hallelujah and all that.”

“Holy shit, dad. Had no idea.”

“Yeah, and when I finally got back here, your mom wanted a divorce.”

“No fucking way!”

“Yes, way. Being alone and pregnant while I was away for a long time was too much for her, I guess.”

“But you told me mom died when I was young.”

“Yeah. That was a lie. Sorry. She found a better man and left me. At least we stayed together long enough to make you though.”

“I’m not sure what to say to that except thanks for being honest.”

I decided it was time for a change of scenery. I bid my dad good night and fell asleep on the couch.

The next day, I went to Shepherdstown because I wanted to try the food at the new Vietnamese restaurant there. It was nice to see all the hippy chicks milling around the college. I could smell their fear though. Hastily shuffle enough souls off this mortal coil and the rest are scared you’re about to do the same thing to them too.

I looked like death and smelled worse, so I was left wondering why this pretty hippy chick was smiling and batting her eyes at me. Finally, some rando hippy dude cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted: EARTH TO MORON! SHE LIKES YOU! ASK HER OUT! It was nice to get such direct and useful advice. So I did ask her out.

“Hello, madam. You like nice. My name’s Thomas. What’s yours?”

“Alexandra. Nice to meet you. You look like nice too. Were you in Vietnam?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d like to hear more about it. I’ve been protesting the war with my friends because we think the war is stupid, pointless, and wrong.”

“I have a complicated response to that because I’ve been there. We should talk more soon.”

“We will. Here’s my number. Call me.”

“Thanks, I will. See you later, alligator.” Then I flashed the peace sign. I always liked hippies even though I wasn’t one. Just thought they were happy, chill people. I like that vibe. At the time, there was still a draft, which meant every month, thousands of American young men were forcibly sent off to war. Slavery is evil and forcing people to kill and die is the worst form of it.

So I ended up meeting Alexandra again later after I called her number from a pay phone. We ate pizza, and then she invited me back to her place.

It’s hard to describe how wonderful it feels for a man when a woman invites you to her bed. Before that, we smoked some joints and looked that the stars for a while.

Her room was pretty and smelled of incense. She had a lava lamp on the table by her bed.

It wasn’t too long before nature took its course, and we did the horizontal mambo. That felt real good. Gals always like to talk after sex, and so she did.

“So…did you kill anyone?”

“Yeah. Lots. Also, it is not polite to ask that question.”

“Sorry. I was just curious.”

“When you’re interrogating, it’s best to capture two at a time; a valuable guy and a worthless guy. You tie them to chairs so they’re facing each other. Then you shoot the worthless guy in the side of his head so the other guy can see all the blood and gore and bone fragments. Then you point a pistol in the other guy’s face and tell him: start talking or you’re next!”

“Jesus Christ! Jesus fucking Christ! Why are you telling me this? Are you a fucking psychopathic mass murderer or what?”

“Shooting one enemy in the head is better than napalming a village and killing a bunch of women and children. It’s war and my job is to help my side win. Also, we did just have sex, and so I thought I owed you the favor of being honest.”

“Well, thanks soldier boy. I still think you’re the scum of the earth for being part of a brutal war machine that’s relentlessly terrorizing people 10,000 miles away from here. People who never did anything to us.”

“The only reason I’m still there is because if we lose, the communists will burn down that village and kill everyone in it. I know what burning human flesh smells like.”

“Why the hell are you still in the Army? Wake up from that nightmare!”

“I have two years left on my enlistment and I always finish what I start. The war is not going well because our leaders refuse to understand the enemy. Win, lose, or draw, I’ll save everyone in that village. Nobody dies on my watch.”

“You really care about the people there, don’t you?”

“Yeah. They saved my sorry carcass more than a few times. I don’t know how I’m going to adjust to civilian life. It’s just way too different from what I’m used to.”