Lions, Tigers, Etc

 

Running any zoo is hard, and using one as a front for money laundering raises the difficulty level to new, and peculiar heights. But Jenny Cartwright thrived on chaos and loved animals as only a genuine tree-hugger could. Learning the intricacies of feline animal husbandry was a pleasant way to distract herself from the endless parade of Cuban gangsters loaded with drug money. It worked like this: the gangsters donated money for the upkeep of the zoo and the breeding program. When a more reputable zoo needed a new or replacement animal, Jenny sold them one and then kicked back a portion of the money to the gangsters. Everybody got a cut, zoos got animals, and the authorities were none the wiser. Well, the ones who wouldn't take bribes were blissfully ignorant. From time to time, some cop or bureaucrat had to be bribed, and given the ruthlessness of the criminals funding the whole thing, most were content to take plata over plomo.

On any given day, there were about 100 animals in the zoo. It was a magnificent menagerie. It was just the Wizard of Oz trio, either. Oh no, there were leopards (snow and regular), jaguars, lions, tigers (Bengal and Siberian), bears (brown and black), wolves, crocodiles, peacocks, and albino specimens of all the above. All of them were well-fed and lovingly cared for by Jenny and her staff. The weekends were especially busy as the zoo had a donations-only admission policy, which made things simpler and allowed it to be run as a not-for-profit organization, at least on paper, anyway. Since the Cubans were running the show, they kept the real books, though they did let Jenny know in vague terms how well business was going. Florida really was a kind of tropical paradise, and Jenny and her business associates couldn't have been happier until the hurricane of the century was barreling right for them. 

The Cubans figured the best approach was to just let the chips fall where they may. There was plenty of money coming in to buy more animals and the zoo had a great insurance policy. Jenny pleaded with them for help; surely there must be something they could do to save her dear animal friends. An enterprising young tough named Raul rose to the occasion. He was smitten by Jenny's good looks and wholesome nature. There was something pure and vivacious about her that made him forget the ugliness of the enterprise he had fallen into and hoped to escape. For her part, Raul struck as an average gangster for the most part, but when he expressed his desire to save the animals from impending doom, she fell deeply and passionately love in him. He seemed almost to kind for a life of crime. They went into the nearby town and stopped to get smoothies just as the place was about to board up its windows.

"OK, here's the plan", began Raul as they walked to a nearby picnic table. "I rented a few moving trucks, and the boys and I stayed up all night cutting airholes and setting up pens inside. All we have to do now is get the animals inside and drive north. We hang out up there til things blow over here."

"That all sounds fine," said Jenny, "but what if there's an accident on the road or we get stuck in traffic?"

"Ah, you worry too much. Whatever happens, the animals will be safer in the trucks than out in the open here. The zoo is right in the hurricane's path."

There was no arguing with that logic. It was now time to imitate Noah before the flood came. Back at the zoo, the loading had begun. Most of the big cats got along OK, so they all mixed together and herded into two trucks. The bears, wolves, and crocs each got their own truck, as did the peacocks. Jenny and the crew hastily fed and watered all of them before the convoy rumbled off. They were far inland, but not nearly far enough to escape the worst of the storm. The sky darkened, the rain began to fall, and the wind howled. To avoid traffic, they took a series of detours onto back roads. The rain became a downpour, and the water level steadily rose, as did the windspeed. They came to a causeway which was washed out. Raul and Jenny were in the lead truck and decided to stop. The water was almost to the top of the truck tires already.

Raul and Jenny exchanged worried glances. Raul rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a few moments before inspiration struck. 

"Hold on, I got an idea. A few miles back, there's a waterpark. They have one of those lazy river things. There's enough tubes there for all of us and the animals."

"We can't stay here much longer or drive on. The crocs might swim away though if we let them out. And most of the animals will need more than one tube to stay afloat." 

"That's a chance we'll have to take. It's better for them to have something to hold onto than to drown from treading water."

"OK, call the others. Let's go."

Getting the convoy turned around was nerve-wracking as the road was no longer visible. They headed back to the water park and crashed through one of the flimsy gates. The water level was almost up to the truck bumper and was leaking in through the cabin doors. When they spotted the lazy river, they breathed a sigh of relief and stopped. They both had to push hard to get the doors open, and soon found themselves wading in waist-deep water. The rain was still coming down but not as hard as before, and the wind hand died down somewhat. 

Raul rallied the crew, and they all began grabbing tubes. They went to the truck with the big cats and opened the gate. One by one, the beasts leapt into the water and swam for the tubes. They were the extra large kind and could hold up to 400 pounds, which was not quite enough for some of the larger ones who clung to the sides rather than sit inside. They repeated this process with the bears and wolves with similarly mixed results. The water was almost chest level when the crew themselves got in tubes. They paddled to the truck with the peacocks and opened the gate. They beckoned the birds to come to them and so each ended up sharing their tube with a few feathered friends. Finally, they paddled to the truck with the crocodiles and opened the gate. One by one, the great reptiles all slithered into the water. 

The wind had almost stopped, but the rain was still coming down, and the water was still rising. 

"What now?", asked Jenny.

"There's nothing more we can do but try to stay warm and wait."

The night was long, wet, and cold, but at least the rain had finally stopped. The peacocks acted as a kind of living insulation and helped keep them warm enough to prevent hypothermia. Dawn broke and the sun rays warmed them. There was no sign of the crocodiles; it seemed they had all swum off to parts unknown. After a few hours, the water began to recede, and by evening, the truck tires were visible again. 

"We can't stay out here any longer. Time to reload the trucks", said Raul. 

Reloading went surprisingly quickly, as the animals now preferred the shelter of the trucks. They drove back and found the zoo more or less intact, though the surrounding buildings did not fare as well. The animals, minus the crocodiles, eagerly returned to their familiar pens.

 

"It's a shame we lost the crocodiles", said Jenny.

"Ah, but it could have been so much worse. They will make friends with the alligators in a swamp somewhere. Forgive me, but there is something I've been waiting to tell you."

"What?"

"You're under arrest", said Raul as he flashed his badge. "My crew and I are all undercover cops."

"But the animals! I can't go to jail!"

"Don't worry about them; arrangements have already been made. And my friends with the wildlife service already know where the crocodiles last were. They'll round them up in no time."

Jenny later struck a plea deal where she received a light sentence in exchange for her testimony about the zoo's illicit finances. By public demand, the zoo later reopened with the same animals, even the fugitive crocodiles. After a few years, Jenny was back to her old job, minus Raul. She never learned his real name.