WASHINGTON DC - "Universal Basic Income doesn't go far enough. It's high time we freed the American people from the tyranny of work", said Rep. Cortez (D-NY). In response, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said "this proposal is as absurd as it is irresponsible, and threatens to destroy America's already weakened economy. I therefore propose lowering the retirement age to 21, and not a single day less." Economists and other experts have cautioned that such a move may not be sustainable.
According to Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman "look, I know I've been reliably carrying water for Team Blue for 30 years, but I can't keep it up much longer. This idea isn't just plain stupid; it's stupid with sprinkles and whipped cream. My god, what have I done with my life? Just because I hate Republicans doesn't mean I want retards in charge!" However, other experts disagree, noting that the proposal would reduce inequality, unemployment, and pollution, as well as increase diversity among retirees. "It's all very simple," explained Michael Moore. "Robots will do most of the work, and the rest will be done by criminals in Government Utility Labor Administration Groups." Elon Musk has promised to build a fleet of robots to fill all menial jobs in exchange for a title of nobility. When informed that this is unconstitutional, Musk said "What?! Damn their oily hides! I already bought a golden, jewel-encrusted scepter. What am I supposed to do with it now? Pawn it? This outrage will not be soon forgotten." Musk then slammed the hatch of his submarine and left for his underwater volcano lair.
No comments:
Post a Comment