ATLANTA The fast-food giant is retiring its trademark "my pleasure" slogan in a bold gambit to attract new customers. According to 31-year-old director of marketing Joanna Gambolputty: "What consumers crave most is diversity and inclusion. By reaching out to a tiny, hated segment of the population, which is also totally antithetical to our brand, we are sure to boost sales with new demographics while at the same time retaining our conservative, Christian, customer base."
It's a bold move, but business expert Scott Cotton thinks it might pay off: "Businesses stagnate for a variety of reasons, but often what happens is the consumers get tired of what is old and predictable and start craving something fresh and exciting. Witness how Coca-Cola reinvented itself in the 1980s. No one even remembers the old Coke."
The familiar Chik-Fil-A cows who encouraged us to "EAT MORE CHIKIN" will be replaced with a trio of demons who will playfully "deface" billboards with statements like "HAIL SATAN" and "GOD IS DEAD". Other changes include a new logo with a severed chicken head on a pitchfork paired with a pentagram and upside-down cross. The new uniform will consist of a red jumpsuit, a head band with horns, and shoes designed to look like hooves.
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