Me Conservative

Me conservative. Me know right from wrong. Me know America better than all other countries; America never wrong. America never do bad things, ever ever. Slavery bring Africans to Christianity. Indians weak and primitive; they be destroyed anyway. Mexicans not need so much land; America use it better.

Me know America win WW2 by itself, even though Soviets lose 20 million people and inflict 75% of casualties suffered by German army. Me think Reagan greatest President ever even though he switch parties 1962 and run up huge deficits. Me not notice Reagan send money to Contras, Mujahideen, and UNITA. Me think other countries hate America because we free. Me not notice 700 US military bases in over 100 foreign countries. Me not notice CIA overthrow governments of Chile, Indonesia, and Iran.

Me know America Christian nation. Me say that because Loud Angry Man on Fox News say so. Me know he right because he angry and loud. Me not know patriot Thomas Paine book The Age of Reason which criticize Christianity and organized religion strongly. Me not notice Mark Twain's outspoken atheism. Me never read Ben Franklin quote "lighthouses are more useful than churches." Me think Bible very important even though me never read it. Me not notice Bible say nothing about free speech, representative government, or voting. Me still know Bible foundation of democracy.

Me think history begin in 1620. Me not notice decline and collapse of British Empire. Me not notice collapses of French, Ottoman, and Spanish Empires. Me think this time different.

Me know drugs bad, except alcohol and tobacco. They not bad drugs. Me not notice they kill many, many more people than all illegal drugs combined. Me forget no illegal drugs in America before 1906. Me not notice War on Drugs colossal failure. Me not notice 95% of people in jail for drug crime are non-white. Me want drug users punished hard except my kid who will go to rehab instead. Me not care that 100 million Americans smoke marijuana including many leading politicians, athletes, and businessmen. Me not care marijuana have many medical uses. Drugs still bad.

Me not know America have more people in prison in total numbers and per capita than any other country. Me know this not true because America land of the free.

Me think gays are bad because Bible say is abomination. Me not care that Bible also say eating pork and shellfish is abomination. Me no want gays in Army because would destroy me
stereotype of gays as weak and cowardly. For same reason, me no want women in Army. Me never been in Army but is expert on war from reading Tom Clancy. Me not care he never in Army either.

Me know war in Iraq right. Me not care Saddam have nothing to do with 9/11. Me not care WMD never found. Me not care many thousands dead and 1 million Iraqis flee. Me not notice Reagan gave weapons to Saddam during Iran-Iraq war. Me not see picture of Rumsfeld kissing Saddam's hand. Me think killing Muslims get Muslims to stop hating America. Me not see US give $20 billion in military aid to Israel every year. Me not see US only country stupid enough to build military bases in Muslim holy land. Me call for massive military spending even though 9/11 attack cost only half a million dollars.

Me think missile from remote-controlled planes scare Taliban. Me not know they fight Russia for 8 years, suffer terrible losses, and still win. Me think Pakistan US best friend. Me surprised to learn some Pakistani military and intelligence assisting the Taliban & Al-Qaeda.

Me not care that US spend more on weapons than China, Russia, and Iran put together. Me not notice US almost spend as much as rest of the world put together. Me know big army good; peace come through strength. Me not know Switzerland have much smaller army and not fight war for 200 years. Me think this because Swiss are wusses, not because Swiss mind their own business.

Me conservative. Me know better than you.